What do you hope for?

I hope it rains a little at home so I don’t have to water the flowers. I hope it doesn’t rain on our vacation. I hope momma gets better. 

The older I get the more reserved my hopes have become. I’ve dialed them down so much. Because life is hard. Disappointment. Hurt. Grief. All the tough things of life conspire to make us temper hope. Reign in great expectations. Transform an idealist into a realist? Or worse…a pessimist. 

Most of my hopes are unsure. I know life is fragile…a vapor. Just a tendril of smoke wafting quickly away. Does that mean I should just stop hoping? Quit dreaming? No more goals. No targets to aim for. Just burning the candle out with what little I have left. And there’s no fuel gauge. 

Not only that, but watching my mother’s breakdown…her rapid mental decline…I am just heartbroken for her and wondering why getting old is such a cruel way to continue life. 

So I’m reading, praying, preparing media things for an upcoming series. This morning when I read in chapter 1: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope…” 1 Peter 1:3

Then he goes in to say: “In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials,  so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;  and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,” 1 Peter 1:6-8

Lord, my faith is wavering. I’m distressed. I long to give you praise and glory and honor. But, God do I have to be tested by fire first? When the dross has been burnt off, will there be anything left? 

I love you, and so does Jesus. He does it better. -KT

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