Undone

I’ve spent the year busy, overwhelmed, checking items off my to-do list.

I feel like I missed 2 months of life because our vacation got extended wayyy longer thanks to Hurricane Irma jacking up the Caribbean. It was so fun! But it totally messed up my plans. 

Then Momma was so sick and we spent lots of time in the hospital and rehab. Then back to the hospital. Then her funeral. Funny thing about grief…I just can’t think and concentrate as well. A lot of things haven’t been completed. 

All this has conspired to make me realize…these to-do lists . . . don’t actually have to get done. These crazy expectations I put on myself . . . they are crazy. 

The very best gift I can give anyone this season, is giving myself a break. I won’t wrap up the gift of peace. But I will hunt it down by saying no to more. I will ignore some things that are pressing me in favor of being still. I’ll pray. I’ll write in my journal. I’ll make love then make him breakfast. When he goes to work,  I’ll snuggle with my dog. I won’t rush to the office only to stare at the computer. I’ll spend less time on Social Media. I’ll be present when I’m with my family. Not lost in my phone. Not a transfixed on TV. I’ll be still. Even when it hurts. Which is often.

Because grief, that ninja, will gut punch me and my heart will break. 

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